Enneagram perpetuated stuck feelings. The most common and reoccurring stage of growth. We feel like we are at the will of our Type. And we see it everywhere. All enneagram people know what I’m talking about. Often times, it’s what keeps people at a distance to the enneagram to begin with. You find out who […]
Enneagram perpetuated stuck feelings. The most common and reoccurring stage of growth. We feel like we are at the will of our Type.
And we see it everywhere.
All enneagram people know what I’m talking about. Often times, it’s what keeps people at a distance to the enneagram to begin with.
You find out who you are through this typing system, in this deep and powerful and naked way and at first it feels really good. Then this thing happens where you see all the shit you’ve read about yourself over and over in your real life. And what you read enhances how deep your self awareness goes, and your deeper sense of awareness creates a deeper connection to the enneagram things you’ve been learning. And all of a sudden it’s all you are. Your this pile of describing words that you’ve woken up to.
This is where the stuck feeling is. It’s in this beautiful new found sense of awareness that can actually also pull us into what I call a hopelessness abyss.. But that’s because I’m a four. And we like strong emotional language. Lets just stick with a “stuck place”.
Good news! There’s a way out! (I had to say that before I lost my sevens). Its this really fun journey called where did the stuck parts come from?
As we dive into our patterns of thinking, feeling, and doing we realize just how old these patterns are. They come from dusty corners of our inside selves, our insecurities, and the situations that raised us. These patterns find a home in us as a result of promises you unconsciously made with yourself as a way to survive. Patterns that helped you feel seen, get things done, and get your needs met.
These patterns come with messages. Behind every single pattern, any single ongoing thought, action, or feeling, there is an underlying message you are believing. “I will be lovable if…”. “I will be secure if…” “I will have control if…” and so on.
SO how do we feel like we have agency and control over our actions instead of these internal messages controlling us?
We stop looking to the patterns and start listening to the pain, fear, and shame underneath the patterns. We free up room in ourselves by freeing up the parts inside of us that believe they need to cope in a certain way to get their needs met.
Okay Jill, get practical. What does this practically mean? It means through your new found beautiful self awareness, you have the power to take a step back to observe yourself while you are in the midst of a pattern. Ask yourself two questions. What is this part of me feeling and believing right now? What does this part of myself need?
Sometimes there are parts of you in need to turn to a deeper Divine love outside of themselves, sometimes they need you to call them a friend, sometimes they need to be told they are good or worthy or real or seen. Sometimes they need us to wrap ourselves in a hug. I know I’m loosing some of you for sure now but I promise this is the way out. The was “out” is to actually acknowledge the stories that have shaped you. My mom always used to quote that childhood story book called, “Bear Hunt”. When things were hard she’d always say, “You cant go over it, you can’t go under it, you gotta go through it.” And it’s true. You can’t skip the deep work and force yourself into growth. There is only more pain there.
The way we take back our agency and control is by freeing the parts that are terrified of anything new because those old ways taught us how to survive. And we can thank them for that. But we are older now, and we can be free from the messages behind our patterns that cause us to loose our control and agency. Because our enneagram number’s have helped us survive, and now we can really live.